Forgiveness Friday: Speaking for Myself, ‘I did that.’

“Give yourself grace,

but also hold yourself accountable.” ~ Jeff Goins

I just put my pen down from a little bit of journaling, and guess what I just realized?

I’ve mentioned that my husband and I moved with two of our three sons to Iowa. Actually we’ve, this week I think, hit our one year anniversary of living in our new house and town. We also successfully moved our oldest son to Dayton Ohio to an apartment about three hours north of our small town and country home and rural life.

The realization? I’ve not written here about how this career opportunity for my husband landed several of us smack in the middle of our personal field of dreams. Nor have I explained the extreme transition from country to city. I think it’s been more of a mention in passing.

After a year, I know that now.

As one of my son’s friends would say: “We live close to the field, for realzies.”

No. Really. The mom of this kid who is a dynamite athlete on Joe’s little league team told us that the farm that was the set for the movie Field of Dreams is about two hours from here.

So, I say myself, to me and I: “How’s come? If this blog is supposed to be about grace and you were struggling with the transition when you started this writing project, why not write about the baby foxes and magical dew on your porch? Why not go on about the early morning sound of metal scrapping the road as a cattle trailer drags down your one lane road? About how cool it was to say, with eyes closed, ‘Yup, Cluxtons are going by. Must have some calves.’ Or about how joyful it was to know that spring had come and the winter mud would soon dry?”

I couldn’t.

I just couldn’t.

I think I can now. Now our family of five has made it through a year of transition. We still have all of our limbs, the sky hasn’t yet fallen in, and apparently our entire hearts didn’t break with the fear and sadness, just little parts. Even the little parts of broken heart seem to be healing for each of us as we settle into the corners of our individual field of dreams.

Speaking for myself,

I did that.

I did that work of grief that is almost all about personal accountability. It’s like how our son who is a runner quickly dropped his mile per minute time last summer and fall. He’d not met a soul. And yet, Will didn’t do it by just meeting some cool guys and cute gals that ran with him. It certainly wasn’t the hundreds of dollars that running shoes demand. It’s not like other sports. Runners don’t run plays or pass balls on the running trail.

They run.

I can start to wax sentimental about what I was sure for years, 20 years actually, that I could never leave behind.

I can now, because I got up and ran my mom miles this spring. I can look back on some unexpected difficult trail turns and say, “I did that.” Pardon a brief brag, but you know, I didn’t make it through this particular spring with my eyes closed. Our youngest son seemingly suddenly, started having some transition troubles at school. It created, for me, yet another (thankfully temporary) heartbreak.

For me as a mom, it was like what I would guess a trail runner would feel if when on an unfamiliar trail, just when you start to get some relief in the form of an end of the run high, suddenly a unicorn butt pops up in the form of crappy mud mile.

When our little guy Joe started having some hard days coping at school this spring, I was on the verge of getting my “I’m a writer” badge in gear. I joined a local writing group, announced to the budget committee that mom is going to writing camp this summer, started writing two books, and generally said to myself,

alrighty then, here I am. Game on.

Did I resent and whine and groan that my needs and dreams had to go on the shelf again over the needs of one of the kids, for, I didn’t know how long?

Does Kevin Costner still make many America’s middle age women say meow? Umm. Yes. They do.

So, yeah.

It took a lot of work, but last night when our little guy was kicking up dust after the game I was glued to the chair with exhaustion, it was okay.  He was with new Iowa best friend #3, after having played for a bit with former bests friends #1 and #2, and with potential other neighborhood best friends #4 and #5.

And I’m not sure. But I think I agreed to let them all come over this afternoon to play.

Game on.

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Walking in Blossoms=”L”overly

I went for a nice walk when home in Ohio, but brrr! So my fingers had a hard time stretching into "L" formation.

Come one index finger, pull it back...you can do it!

Made up word of the day: Loverly

Definition (adj.): So very beautiful that it’s hard to put into words.

Eg.: When she remembered that she didn’t have a car to go on shopping jaunts, she was actually glad because a walk sounded more relaxing. The guy across the path was taking photos of the apple blossoms and looked at her funny because she was taking photos of her hands. She wondered what he would do if she smiled and said, “Loverly day in the neighborhood, don’t you say?”

Blogging A-Z. “K” is for Kooky

Sign Language letter "k" as seen by the "listener." If you wiggle this sign on your nose (face your palm toward your nose) you are saying "clown" in sign language. Kool, eh?

Made up Word of the Day:

kooky

Definition: (adj.) Odd, silly, strange, off-kilter, or a bit off the rail.

Sometimes the one stress reaction that she can’t contain is to laugh at something kooky.

Saturday and the Letter G: Don’t Peek!

Sign Language "g" from the back...

Raise the roof for a "g" to the front!

(this post is meant for Saturday, April 7th, a day when I will be on a famorama duty of one sort or the other and away from the desk)

Made up word of the day: GrannyBird

GrannyBird (proper noun): A grandmother of unique design.

Eg: GrannyBird chased the kids out of the kitchen so that she could finish the rainbow jello-mold dessert.

Like it or Not, You are Joining me on the April A-Z Challenge

You know, at first when I started seeing contests and challenges for writers, especially blogging, I phsawed them. Over my shoulder I mumbled, “too old and famous thank you very much.”

Then, I noticed that I was in my monkey sparkle pajamas and alone in my office. Good reason to reconsider!

So – I signed up for the April A-Z Blogging 2012 Challenge because I liked the graphics of their web page. Check the page out here if you like.

I didn’t really pay attention to what I was agreeing to, and here we are: April has clearly sprung!

I mentioned on Thursday that my IRL (“in real life”) calendar has suddenly morphed, so here is how I’m looking at this experiment.

I’d like this to be more of a photo blog and I’m drawn to the idea of using the sign language alphabet. My thought, for now, is to post two photos for each letter: what each letter looks like to the speaker (the person doing the signing) and what it looks like to the listener (the person doing the listening/watching).

Back in one of my days, I was a sign language interpreter, and this will be a fun challenge to give a coffee boost to that part of my past.

Here Goes!

Oops! I Also Forgot to Mention that April is a Blurr Already

Does any one else out there have an April list of excitements that look sort of like an Etcha-Sketch scribble?

Phew.

Mine does, but for fun reasons.

  1. School will be out in late May, so I have just a few more weeks of my quiet blogging days of winter.
  2. This means that if I stand a chance at an hour here and there over the summer, I’d better lay some plans now.
  3. I signed up for an April Writing Challenge that includes, well, you’ll see. For now, my plan is to lots of photos of hands doing sign language letters, and just one word. It’s called the A-Z challenge. I’m not going to try and win prizes, but look forward to participating as I can!
  4. Track, baseball, lawn mowing, dog walking, Easter travels, and planning out summer camps and travel.
  5. Phew.
  6. Oh. And I committed to my men to sign myself up at the Y so, they will hear “bye!!! Food is in the cabinet…..off to meet with the trainer and run a few miles!” (shhh…, don’t tell, the real plan is:…hot tub…yoga…little bit of Zumba…are paper backs allowed in the sauna room? Can one knit and Zumba at the same time?)

All to say, that my blogging will be spotty at a minimum, with a return to the regular bat channel by May would be my hope and plan.

Peace – K.